I Found My Zen.

I should be working on a different project or perhaps making better use of my time, yet i feel inclined and have the biggest urge to write at 1am…hours before leaving to New York. Perhaps its the overwhelming sense of too much travel in a two week timespan or maybe i havent given myself the time needed for self-reflection but either way, i will post a blog.

Santa Barbara, LA, New York, upcoming trip to Vegas, Chicago, and possibly altering plans from New Orleans to Europe - partying, making new friends, learning what’s out there, picking and choosing the right decisions for myself, has been the last few months of my life - if not, the last few weeks.  The feeling is indescribable, although “whirlwind” seems to be the best fit for my latest adventures.

i enjoy it but im ready to dedicate myself to real work after this. i’m actually looking forward to reading, studying, not so much applying - but finding a job, more reading, more studying. i’m feigning for it cant wait!

Mondays - Vietnamese temple for prayer, chants (1 hour)

Thursdays - Gyuto Center for Buddhist teachings (2 hours)

This has been my consistent schedule now for the past month and a half. I use the time on Mondays to reflect, cleanse, pray, and clarify my thoughts. I have learned to keep up with chanting in Vietnamese, though i necessarily can’t pronounce all the words correctly or understand it - I do believe that if your mind and your heart is there, then that’s all that matters. Eventually, the meaning will come into place.

Thursdays are Buddhist teachings. My teacher is just so great and nice! He gives lectures and interpretations of Buddhist scripture/text in Tibetan, which is then translated into English by Tsering? I’m not sure how to spell his name so i’ll have to doublecheck. The two hours typically go by rather quickly and every week has always been something new. I’ve also learned to chant in Tibetan.

I’m the youngest at both places but have found comfort in merging both the Vietnamese and Tibetan culture. They each offer something unique and I take away something great from both…feel very lucky to have stumbled upon the temple and the center.

The biggest lesson learned: have no attachments.

Here are some pics of temples and statues in VN:

Thay's Temple in VN

Taken in pure darkness

School at the Temple

David and I hiked up to Marble Mountain, and i was getting ready to place the incense down - Central Vietnam

Hike to the top

Zen

The Top

Temple in My Tho

Another one

i FINALLY figured out what i wanted out of my life - what will be rewarding, make me happy and I’m going to have to bust my ass off to get there. The legal field is NOT my future and law school IS NOT in my path. There is nothing holding me back at this point (except my family) but i really don’t have any excuses at this point.

Although i’m a mixture of emotions with ups and downs, i CAN be frustrated with the short-term but will look forward to my long-term goals.

grabbed this from the book i’m currently reading:  “we Americans think you have to accomplish everything quickly.  we’re the country of thirty minute power lunches and two-minute football drills…Haji Ali taught me to share three cups of tea, to slow down and make building relationships as important as building projects.  He taught me that I had more to learn from the people I work with than i could ever hope to teach them.”

I went to the temple, Chua Lieu Quan, yesterday and met with the monk I traveled with to Van Hanh. I went there with great apprehension due to the fact that i was faced with a language barrier, but I think my eagerness and anticipation to see and hear his latest updates were too intriguing to pass up the rare opportunity.

It was raining, dark but i still entered the temple with a big smile on face…turning red upon arrival. Two monks and a dentist sat at the table and me, jumping in and joining them at random. I dont know about most, but being brought up in a traditional home, it was very odd to have tea with 3 men and converse.

After our introductions, I met Thay Phap Chon, the monk in charge of this temple and quickly felt at ease being where i was. I heard their stories, interjected with my questions and came out learning a great deal of their goals, projects and slowly integrating myself with their work.

My goals for the next few years were to:

establish the ICAN art program
see the Dalai Lama
build a school
go to India

I think it’s realistic, challenging enough and i can see execution and follow through. I’m extremely excited and now can see my future with more clarity - careerwise and with financial stability.

By meeting these three people, i’ve ensured financial backing to build the school, I told both monks that i will assemble the team that will be building with me, and the monk in vietnam will be providing clearance with the Vietnamese government to have the school built on temple grounds. Initially to build the school would have been $5,000 but because the dentist heard my interest and my passion for wanting to do this, he upped it to $10,000. I told them to let me study the educational system so that i can implement the curriculum and to ensure these kids will be getting the fundamentals needed for success. Since it will be on temple grounds, it makes it much easier for the monks/teachers to be monitored. The school will be in good hands!

We discussed the problems with people who built schools, with government lending, and it eventually fell flat. With their experience and knowledge, i know that they will take this in the right direction without a doubt. i’m just so HAPPY i sat and talked with them to see their insight and devotion to helping others, all i can do is follow in their footsteps.

Thay Phap Chon then invited me to go to india with him to see the Vietnamese temple he built. He went through UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization) in order to have it built so I’m definitely excited. (At some point, i’m going to try and convince him to get me a job with UNESCO…but that will be over time haha) Im going to make him keep his promise with india though.

Afterwards, I spent time in the kitchen by helping the temple out and talking to everyone. It was what I needed - made me extremely happy, and I look forward to more learning.

There’s nothing that makes me happier than seeing the pics of the kids at the temple. I can’t wait to see them the next time i’m in Vietnam and i’m looking forward to see how much they’ve grown.

Introducing myself to the kids in the community

Since introduction failed because of the language barrier and nervousness, we had to re-do it by letting Su Co and Thay do the introduction for me.

They talked about my work with Habitat

People donated almost up to $1,000 for my visit which allowed me to give basic necessities for the kids below. For everyone who contributed, i can’t thank you enough.

For the kiddies.

Mortified that I accidentally gave the boys girls slippers, and vice versa, we decided that everyone would swap after I passed everything out.

Group Shot

Since these kids weren’t in school yet, they were given snacks and goodies.

Kids around the neighborhood

Thay set up these computer stations so they could rotate and learn.

Donated computers

After running around and playing with the children, we became much more comfortable around each other. Maybe they thought i wasn’t such a stiff after all.

It's always fun getting pulled in different directions. This picture, we were actually calm. hahha

I tried my hardest to convince them I wasn’t a bore so I opened up my computer to show pictures and used the webcam for fun. A group from ICAN visited them last June so i showed pictures of some of the members. They were very excited and happy to see them

Setting up before the herd comes a runnin

I bought beads and thread so that we could play and learn colors in english.

My attempt at being artistic

This project turned out to be a fun mess. The kids would spend 5-10 minutes plus putting it together and they’d come to me to tie it around them. Due to my clumsiness, i’d accidentally drop their project and beads would go flying. We’d have to sweep it up and re-do it again. This happened to more than half the kids. Thank goodness they accepted my apologies!!!!!

Making bracelets and necklaces

Nhi had so many beads!

I was surprised at how much I became attached to the kids.

Searching for the right color

My little rascal

Love how they take care of each other

Though I have more to post, overall it was such an amazing time with my first visit.  There’s just this unconditional feeling towards them that i can’t really describe.

I think this is the most difficult and challenging time of my life. With whatever pain I’m feeling, I must and remind myself that my experience in Vietnam showed me harder struggles and greater suffering. Nothing is permanent in life and if i can overcome these hardships then I will come out a stronger person. I’ve realized that permanence is in my girlfriends, my family, and my faith. They will be the foundation to get me through this and nothing else.

I firmly believe in karma and I knew that life couldn’t be so great in these past few years without a big hurdle tossed my way. Everything is cyclical so the fact that there was so much good, I understand that the bad comes into play as well. I accept this karmic retribution without argument and without fight. I can only take the current negatives that weigh me down and throw that energy and motivation into something positive. I just have to practice patience and more discipline, and have faith that eventually it will pick up.

Here are my pictures from the Mekong Delta. I’m a water person so everytime I was on the boat, I enjoyed being alone and contemplating/absorbing everything around me. It provided a good escape.

Man is chillin

Can Tho - If these women have to row boats everyday, I can put my emotions in check.

Life by the Mekong

One more pic

Floating Market

View from our balcony

My pictures look rather drab upon further review - how fitting.  Note to self:  Work on photography.

Since Vietnam, life has changed. I’m growing, learning and constantly moving. I have a lot on my plate and am trying to keep the momentum and motivation from slipping. I find it trying at times but I will continue to move forward and do what it takes to think positive and stay focused.

I’ve learned a lot about Buddhism in recent months and although I don’t feel like I can share my thoughts with anyone on this spiritual journey, I plan on continuing to live my life the best that I can based on the teachings through discipline and my readings.

I just bought tickets to see HH the Dalai Lama. I said my goal this year was to have the chance to hear him teach and tickets were ACTUALLY available, so I purchased them. One solo ticket, front row, center seat and will finally be graced by his presence. I expect nothing more but simplicity from HH.

I decided to post pictures of Thay Thich Chon Tinh’s work in Vietnam. These pictures may seem graphic to some but it’s a reality in the various cities and remote villages of VN. Donations of $40 allow patients to have surgery that will improve eyesight for at least 5-7 years, $120 for female cancer patients to receive chemo therapy, and school supplies, basic necessities and bikes are donated frequently.

Thay with patients

Mom and sis donated $300 - 400 when I was in VN. It goes a long way.

Vietnam

Donations at a school

My random and one memorable adventure. Thay asked me to join him and others to pass out donations and see more of Vietnam. I said well, I dont have anything planned so sure i’ll go.  I arrived at the temple at 430am, with its big doors and entered complete darkness. Faint light was seen at the back of the temple, people were sweeping and staring - wondering why i was there in the first place. I completely stuck out but even still, I asked if i could pray. Out of ALL of the temples in Vietnam, not only was this Thay’s former temple but my grandparents ashes are here as well. From the beginning of my trip, I wanted to visit my grandparents but didn’t have the opportunity to but I’m glad I eventually made my way there.

We filed in the van, the men in the back, women in the middle and Thay at the front with the driver. The best food in Vietnam were at the temples..I’ve never tasted such great vegan food in my life! We visited a newly built temple where Thay was given the utmost respect by everyone.  Definitely nice to see.

Throughout my travel, the roads were so narrow, tightly squeezed, rivers surrounding us..it was amazing and rather indescribable.  Definitely something the normal tourist would have never seen.

We then arrived at this school and passed out bikes and school supplies. Each child received 10 notebooks, pens, and a uniform.

School - students sitting in the blazing heat

Fellow travelers and this woman's hometown

Top 5 students in school received the bikes.

We ended up eating lunch at the lady’s house and she had mounds upon mounds of vegan food. It was SOO good! After our nap, where i napped at the table, Thay took us to where he had built bridges and schools in the area.

Thay's Bridge

After the trip, i was dropped off at a shopping plaza where it began pouring heavily, and it took me an hour to get a taxi. Luckily, at that plaza, they had Papa Roti bread. Made a great snack right before dinner, until i came back home.

Some of the best journeys are the ones I make on my own and this was definitely one of them.

So enough with me in pictures with a flock full of children. It’s time to get into the little intricate details of hanging out with the little tykes and if you think i’m going to get deep and sentimental about this, well i won’t. Let’s save it for another time where you guys cant mistake me for a softie (that means NEVER).

I traveled with a Buddhist monk/teacher on my trip to Ba Ria, Vietnam. 2 hours in a car ride with me and a monk should have been a recipe for disaster, or major awkwardness, but instead it turned out to be good conversations and a lot of compassion on his end. I think he felt i was an unfortunate soul for a human, so he took pity on me and prayed for my afterlife.

Since most of you guys know me, you know that my anxiety skyrockets when having to meet new people/new situations/people of high ranking, etc but somehow, with clammy hands and all, i tried to tough it out with Thay. I hopped in the van full of sweat, a red face, and panic in my heart but after a half hour, my anxiety went away! I think he laughed at my questions - though they were all serious, appreciated my eagerness in learning more about Buddhism- my level of ignorance is amazing, and well, we talked about wanting to help the community - which i’ve now promised to build a school for him and if i say im going to do it…i better. I didn’t jump on the decision i swear, i was on a habitat high and to a certain delusional degree, i felt i was fully capable. i will be.

We arrived at Van Hanh temple.

The Very Beginning

If you look closely, i’m smiling out of nervousness. Dont get me wrong, children are great but it takes some getting used to. Keep in mind, i went by myself too so it was all VERY overwhelming. I have enough trouble as it is trying to talk to adults, but i have to talk to miniature humans? I definitely needed some backup.

Anyway, enough of my issues. Here’s Nhai below, a crowd favorite. She’s only 26 months old and can recite Buddhist chants sooo well. i love hearing it and have promised myself to learn at least one in Vietnamese.

Nhai chanting

She’s a tough act to follow but afterwards, the nun in charge told me to sing to them. I sang Row Your Boat about five times - solo - and well, it died shortly thereafter. Never seen so many kids with confusion and blank stares in my life.

I needed to get to know the children first and it didn’t help when one of the girls asked me to translate the song in Vietnamese. “Boat went down a river. A guy with a stick is pushing the boat. He has a dream and he’s happy.” They didnt seem too impressed. I finally distracted them by giving candy to prevent them from asking anymore questions and it worked. After our various icebreakers we played some games.

Duck, Duck, Goose

This is the other Nhai at the temple and she’s just a ball of energy and happiness. She was actually shy when i first visited but the second time, she played with my hair and laughed at how crazy i looked. what a punk.

The Squat

I dont think you’re Vietnamese until you’ve mastered this sitting position.

Running Running

This is one of my favorite action shots. These girls are FAST at running.

Nhai running with Skittles

As i was taking the picture, i wanted to snatch the Skittles from her hand because i was hungry.

Capture the Human

Chi Thuy comes to the temple every weekend to help around the temple. She’s sooo super nice and helped me with the kiddies.  The baby to the right of her was my biggest troublemaker.  She liked making me walk backwards until i ended up hitting a van - where she laughed hysterically.  bullies, i tell ya.

Nhai singing

I have to go to bed now but when i see these pictures though, i can’t help but miss them!  More stories later

I know, I know. I’m a complete failure when it comes to keeping up with my blog and my Vietnam posts. The moments lost, opportunity gone and every thought is no longer genuine. I suppose its now or never. I’ll just have to jump back and forth between life in the states and my trip to Nam.

Thanh Da

The apartment complex to the right is where I lived for two months. On the left is the Thanh Da market - where there’s a huge variety of seafood/meats, anything you can find is located here. Chi Hoa, the nanny/housekeeper, typically goes here everyday to pick up items for breakfast/lunch/dinner.

It's flooding at Thanh Da market.

It’s been monsoon season so everyday in Saigon, it would rain for half an hour straight - pouring tons upon tons of water. This is only a day after the rain and it’s still really wet. The draining systems seems non-existent here.

Saigon

I was fortunate enough to be in a taxi when i took this photo. It was a half hour car ride from Happy Inn hotel to my cousin’s house. I had to pick up some money and jeans for my journey to Hoi An. It was completely flooded and 630 in the morning.

I enjoy this photo because you can either get your pants and feet wet, roll the pants up, or prop up your legs.

The Kitchen

My cousin’s house is what i called home in Saigon. I took a picture of their kitchen sink on the right and to the left is their washing machine. I’d brush my teeth here, and late at night if i had to wash my hands - my two inch cockroaches would come out and pay us a visit.

Other part of kitchen

To the right of the sink is my cousin’s stove. You may think this isn’t much but it’s just enough to make the most delicious vietnamese plates EVER.

Neighbors

i walked out of my cousin’s house and took a photo of his neighbors.

Street Life in Thanh Da

I’d walk on this street every time i went to go pick up my baby cousin, grab a bite to eat. One of the main streets in our neighborhood.

You’d see the most peculiar things here but it’s a lovely neighborhood, along with its quirks.

Hoi An

After our build in Vietnam, David and I headed out to Central Vietnam. We flew out to Da Nang and took a half hour taxi cab to Hoi An. Aside from all of the tourists, the city was a nice change of scenery. After seeing Saigon and My Tho, Hoi An was a much needed break.

I never stayed at a hotel by myself before…it felt so nice! I could just sit, relax, and do whatever I wanted! Initially when I walked into my room, I felt a little bit bewildered. What should I do? Can I wear my shoes in here, should i? Can I jump on the bed if I wanted to? Hrrmm the potential of it breaking was fairly high, so I opted out of that option pretty quickly. I just felt there were no rules at all.

I couldn’t help but think to myself – this is what freedom’s about. I could have my own place and have it be my little sanctuary if I wanted! It was a nice thought.

Then I realized that closets scared me and all those B movie freaky hotel tragedy flicks came creeping into my head. I opened all of the closets and checked all corners of the room before I got comfy.

As wild as I wanted to be in my own hotel room, I ended up ruining my first night there. The AC was on full blast and I didn’t know how to turn it down. In the middle of the night, I realized that I was absolutely freezing but I tried to sleep through it. About two hours before I had to start my day, I realized I was sleeping under the top sheet, instead of the actual comforter. (Top sheet – word I made up because I don’t know my linens and bedding. All I know is that the top sheet is really useless because it doesn’t really keep you warm so I’m not sure of its purpose, but it’s there in every hotel/motel room.) is it for decoration? It sure didn’t keep me warm. Hahah

Hoi An Ancient Hotel

Bathroom

The lovely swimming pool

Once I napped on the first day, we met up to take a bike ride around the city and had clothes made. We had suits, pants, and skirts made for us (skirts for me, not david). I have a new appreciation for tailored clothing. Whatever you wanted, they could make it and it took a day or less to have them completed. Absolutely lovely! Let’s just hope I can still fit my clothes when I come back.

The main dishes in Hoi An is banh bao (though its not a pork bun but actually a “white rose”), cao lau, and hoanh thanh. Although that’s basically all we ate while we were there, I’m glad I ate a ton of it. I’ll be craving it over in the states and it won’t be there for me.

Monday we rented a moped, drove out for a half an hour, and reached Marble Mountain. We were pretty damn lucky because on the way back to Hoi An, it started raining but we were still able to get through our errands just fine. By nighttime, the tropical storm came in. Our last day in Hoi An meant basically walking around with our umbrella, grabbing taxis and having our last meal in the city.

One thing that stuck out with me about Hoi An was its cleanliness. Everyone in Vietnam just treats the land like one massive garbage dump but surprisingly, people actually clean after their neighborhood streets pretty well.

Random: If you descramble Hoi An, you get Hanoi. Just a little fun fact…hahah I am very easily amused. The fact that I’m writing at 5am due to bread lady singing and selling, I think I’ve become somewhat delirious.

Hoi An – Beautiful city. When we were on our bikes, we rode out to a place by the river and they had these benches set up throughout the area. Lover’s Lane! This was my first time ever seeing a city and thinking “oh, this is romantic.” I can’t even imagine what France and Italy will be like when I go there one day!

Tuesday, I parted ways with David since he was flying to Hanoi and I was heading back to Saigon. It was a great adventure to Central Vietnam. My last leg of the journey will be flying to Hanoi with Chi Ngoc and that will complete my travels throughout Vietnam!!

Time for bed.